LIFE NUGGET #5: “This might do someone some good”
This might do someone some good…so here goes:
I started on this thought train this morning upon overhearing an older construction worker speaking to a younger construction worker in a demeaning fashion. I paused and discerned: “You were Billy as a child. You HAD a wound - you still pick at it, so you HAVE a wound…May you unite with The Healer”
*****
I attended what was at that time, a very “hometown” elementary school from 1st through 4th grades. I don’t know the criteria that was used by the school at that time to divide up the students as they did; but for some reason, all those years, one kid (Billy) and I were consistently in the same class. Billy had a twin sister, Jen, who was in our class for one year. I look back at the scenario with adult information and wonder if possibly Jen got the majority of the “normal” genes. Billy always seemed a lil off to me, even in my childhood naivete’. He and Jen never looked “clean”. While he excelled in physical strength and athletics, in other areas Billy presented as a very simple child. Jen was athletic as well, but she certainly got the smarts and was more articulate. I think Billy ended up getting left behind a grade after I left the school. Mind you, this was in a time (1970’s) when special needs were frequently, and sadly either institutionalized or just dragged along with everyone else and subsequently those students were ridiculed by those with an impatient spirit.
I have no knowledge of how those two were parented. I remember driving past their house and it looked sloppy and run down - rather ratty. Perhaps, the parents were poor and a two for one pregnancy was too much for the young adults to handle? Perhaps, the parents were physically or emotionally abusive? Perhaps, the parents drowned their sorrows in a bottle and were absent? There’s even the possibility that Billy & Jen’s parents were doing even better for their children than THEY received (as did my own parents). One thing was clear to me, as a child…these two were in a bad way. With the knowledge I now possess as an adult, when I think of Billy and review my recollections, I realize he and his sister were clearly neglected in more ways than one by those who should have been a safe place.
Ages 6-10 are a big portion of one’s formative years. I bear many character and perspective shaping memories of that elementary school and my interacting with the other humans there. My most vivid recollection of my time in all 4 years was being called on regularly as the responsible party to take Billy to the front offices and wait there while he was tended to by the school nurse. I’m not sure if his parents could not afford medical attention or were just lapse in their tender care of the child’s wound…but Billy had the most icky, smelly, scabby, puss-filled thing on his knee that I had ever seen in all my years. If left to himself, he would not make it to the nurse’s station, so…I got the honor of being his guide.
I see the trust my teacher placed in me as an honor now - but the smell of the medical supplies and the sights before my eyes were terrifying to me at the time. I didn’t tell anyone about my apprehensions. I really felt for my fellow kid. So, I turned the other way while the nurse poured the bubbly antiseptic over his wound into the big white steel pan and held my breath as long as possible - breathing as little as possible! When the bandage was finally applied, we worked our way back to the classroom. I think of how he was a real trooper - never cried at all. Billy always needed a very long stop at the boy’s room while I waited impatiently fighting back nausea in the hallway. It just hit me now - that’s prolly where the tears were shed. (((sigh)))
The Lord has kept that icky knee wound as a memory before me for many years now, as a spiritual and emotional metaphor for so many life experiences! I’ve studied up a bit on skin and scarring. According to the National Institute of Health: “Significantly reducing tension in healing wounds could act to minimize scarring...Compared with uninjured skin, scar tissue demonstrates similar high-load stiffness, greatly reduced resistance to failure, reduced low-load compliance, and altered material directionality.”
So, had the child left the wound bandaged as opposed to picking at it when we were supposed to be focusing in class (possibly an emotional coping skill) , there would probably be very little sign of childhood damage 50 years later. I haven’t seen the man - but my guess is he bears a pretty bold physical knee scar from that experience.
There is a common misnomer, that I once proclaimed in triumphant emotional pride, that scar tissue is “tougher” (in my definition…in a positive way) than healthy / unwounded tissue. I’ve since learned that the scar tissue itself is absolutely “harder, less flexible, doesn’t oxygenate well (which creates an acidic environment), has more pain receptors than normal tissue and can transmit pain faster and more intensely, is less resistant to light, has poor circulation (which limits the supply of nutrients and oxygen), and scar tissue is more prone to injury.
I wouldn’t use those metaphorical descriptions as characteristics of flesh or emotion as positives!
My own life experiences have taught me that a well-tended flesh wound heals more productively than one that experiences neglect and intentional sabotage. My own life experiences and observations of others have shown me that those who received an emotional wound in their formative years (lots of introspection in my quiet times reflected here) and how they process the effects as they age, show up a lot in their character and how they treat others. When I hear unkindness flowing from adults these days, I tend to wonder “what happened to you as a child?”
A few very smart people have some things to say about what to look for in a healthy emotional mind and heart:
Alistair Begg is quoted as saying “crisis tends not so much to create character as to reveal it”.
Wayne W. Dyer says “You can't give away what you don't have. If you don't have love for yourself, then you can't be loving to others.”
JESUS says in Matthew 22:37–39: "This is the first and greatest commandment: 'love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' And the second is like unto it: 'You will love your neighbor as yourself’.”
As far as I’m concerned, the latter is THE Authority above and beyond all human wisdom. The Word tells us that: God created us, Jesus walks with us, and the Holy Spirit resides in us. My experiences are “A truth” …they did happen to me, and they did cause a hurt. All future life experiences were processed through that lens of “if this…then that”.
So… How to heal a wounded emotional mind and heart so that the “tissue” is actually malleable, life giving - not restricted - and actually strong? God’s Word consistently teaches us: Do not separate from Him. The Word is a consistent account of restoration and redemption to our relationship with the Creator of the universe! MY Creator.
Can it be THAT simple? I mean… there are complex circumstances and life experiences and the feelings and yeeeeears worth of history…
Healing cannot be SO simple - as to “let Abba have it” can it? Well, what if it truly IS so simple as me allowing the Great Physician access to all my wounds and allowing Him to do a redemptive work that cannot happen on its own or even with all my striving to “get it or make it right”... But, what if it is? It might not be my experience so far. But I’m starting to believe. Who HE is, and who am I?
Lately, my consideration of myself has been: “What if that’s because you’re picking at a wound seems more fulfilling because you know the typical outcome (even if it’s negative) rather than letting go of the “little g” god of that wound and the story I tell myself about it, and allowing “BIG G” GOD the access to unite with me and be the One to whom I turn my attention?” (((whew!)))
If it is true - how then, should I live?
BOOM!
“Lord… THE Truth is: You are a loving Father. The Truth is: You want access to all my parts so I can be free. Give me eyes to see what You have for me. Give me ears to hear Your sweet song that You sing over me. I DO believe You…Help my unbelief. I DO trust You…help my untrust. I DO love You…help my unlove.”
*****
I’m just gonna leave this here. It might do someone some good.
